Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
