I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
