Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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