Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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