my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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