I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
