It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
