I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
