you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
