I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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