I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
