You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
