Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
