I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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