a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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