What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
