The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was not drunk enough for that final.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
