Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
