then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
