he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize