This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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