my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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