Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize