he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you had me at cake vodka
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
