you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
