got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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