I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
