If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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