Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
