you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
