you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
