You really coming over, don't trick.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize