??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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