atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
