He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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