me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
