You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
