I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
