i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
