i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
