We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
