Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
