Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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