so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
