She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
