Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
