A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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