I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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