wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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