The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
