im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
