I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
