Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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