This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
