Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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