I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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