do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Its about making memories worth repressing
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
