Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
