What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
