i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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