I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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