i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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