Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
