How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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