toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
