a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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