if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
