i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
