and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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