I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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