She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
