We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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