Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
