dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
