No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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